To Help the Ones You Love

Pathogenesis of hepatic injury from chronic al...
Image via WikipediaThere’s a saying in 12 step programs that “recovery is for people who want it, not for those who need it.” This is sad but true. Everybody knows a problem drinker or drug user who is ruining their life, but have no intention of stopping their self-destructive behavior. You can talk to them until you are blue in the face, but until they themselves are ready to change, nothing you can say will reach them.From crisis to crisis they roll along, leaving a path of destruction in their wake. Not only do they hurt themselves, but very often the people who are closest to them. Being the parent, sibling or loved one of an addict is one of the hardest jobs on earth. They are suffering from a disease that no amount of medicine can cure, and if it is allowed to run it’s course, as they say in AA, it has only three possible destinations: jails, institutions or death. Watching someone you love heading down this path is agonizing.
There’s a saying in 12 step programs that “recovery is for people who want it, not for those who need it.” This is sad but true. Everybody knows a problem drinker or drug user who is ruining their life, but have no intention of stopping their self-destructive behavior. You can talk to them until you are blue in the face, but until they themselves are ready to change, nothing you can say will reach them.
From crisis to crisis they roll along, leaving a path of destruction in their wake. Not only do they hurt themselves, but very often the people who are closest to them. Being the parent, sibling or loved one of an addict is one of the hardest jobs on earth. They are suffering from a disease that no amount of medicine can cure, and if it is allowed to run it’s course, as they say in AA, it has only three possible destinations: jails, institutions or death. Watching someone you love heading down this path is agonizing.
Unfortunately, sometimes you have to let them. An alcoholic or addict must ‘hit bottom’ before they will be willing to turn themselves around. Every time you bail this person out or lend them money or in any way provide a cushion for them to avoid the consequences of their behavior you are actually prolonging the problem. This is called ‘enabling.’
Not until life in their disease becomes miserable enough will they be willing to do whatever it takes to get clean and sober. The help is out there; there are programs that really do work. But only if the addict really wants it. For them to reach this transformational stage, it might take some truly ‘tough love’ from the people who love them the most.
It can be an enormous challenge to keep yourself from enabling, but there is help for you, too, in this situation. Counseling or self-help groups for the families of addicts can be very helpful. One of the best is called Al-Anon, and there are chapters everywhere. It’s an opportunity for everyone to win.
Filed Under: General Rehab & Addiction Tagged With: ,

Reality TV and Addiction

It’s official: America is obsessed with reality TV. And, in many cases, the grittier, and more “real” the reality the better. Many of the most popular reality TV shows chronicle people going through incredibly personal moments or spans of time in their lives, moments that traditionally have only happened behind closed doors or within the presence of a select group of family and friends. Now, some of these moments are captured on film and broadcast for the entire world of television owners to see.
Some of the most popular reality television shows follow people who are addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, adrenaline, or a constellation of dangerous substances or practices. While the people on these shows are aware that they are participating in a documentary about addiction, they are sometimes surprised when the tables are turned and, instead of telling their story, their friends and families step in to try and get them to go to rehab.
Some critics assert that, whether or not the people in these shows are willing to go on camera, and even if they know that rehab, therapy, or detox is part of the agreement, that the practice of filming these moments of their lives is exploitative. These critics often assert that the simple act of chronicling suffering and distributing it for the purposes of entertainment is an act of exploitation.
Whether or not these critics are right, many shows on addiction get good ratings and film season after season of episodes. In fact, there have now been many cases in which the people suffering from addiction are also people who have watched past episodes of the show. The morality, or questionably morality of these shows is a point of contention for some people, but one thing is certain: the television watching public is more aware of addiction and intervention, and perhaps more informed than before.
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Filed Under: Addiction Intervention Tagged With: ,

Couples and Addiction

Young Couple Sleeping
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Overcoming addiction is an incredibly difficult process because it can tax one’s emotions and mental health just as much as it can tax one’s physical body. Although addiction is an altogether unfortunate state of affairs, some of the most fortunate addicts are people who have friends and family who love them and are willing to stand by them in their struggle to get clean. One of the most difficult state of affairs is when an addict has very close friends or family members who are also addicted to drugs.
It can be nearly impossible, for example, for a person to get clean if their husband or wife is also addicted and is not as dedicated to becoming sober. Staying drug free is not only a process of choosing not to do drugs, but it is also a process of not exposing oneself to drugs. As such, it is very difficult for a person in recovery to succeed in their sobriety if they are living in a home where there are drugs, especially if those are the same drugs to which the person in recovery has been addicted.
Unfortunately, people who are dedicated to sobriety must sometimes sever ties with friends, family members, and sometimes even spouses who are addicted to drugs and have not yet decided to go to rehab or get clean. This can be an incredibly hard part of the process and is often a part of the process for which the person requires the greatest amount of support from friends and family who are drug free. The best case scenario is a scenario in which couples decide to go to rehab together and are mutually supportive in their efforts to get clean and stay clean. One of the dangers, however, may be that if one member of the couple relapses, the other member may be more likely to follow suit.
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Filed Under: Addiction Advice Tagged With: , ,

The Literature of Addiction

A categorization of hard (red), soft (yellow) ...
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Although addiction itself is often shrouded in secrecy and deeply protected by those who are suffering from addiction, as a topic, it is becoming part of modern conversation. There are shows dedicated to various forms of addiction, intervention, and treatment. Newspapers, magazines, websites, and tabloids splash headlines about celebrities who are suffering from addictions of many kinds and chronicle every piece of information that can possibly be found out about celebrities who have gone into rehab or detox.
Also, addiction has become a very popular topic in memoir and nonfiction writing. There was, for example, the controversial A Million Little Pieces by James Frey which, it was later revealed, may or may not have been based on fact. A Million Little Pieces chronicled, in excruciating detail, the experiences of an addict in rehab including a scene in a dentist’s office that leave most readers chilled and disgusted for days.
Other popular addiction memoirs include Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man by Bill Clegg and Dry by Augusten Burroughs. But these two titles are just the very tip of the iceberg. There are addiction memoirs about drinking, about taking pills, about crack, about cocaine, heroin, meth, you name it. There are memoirs about multiple family members who were addicted at the same time, to the same drugs or same group of drugs. There are memoirs written from the perspective of a sober writer reflecting on the addiction of a friend, child, parent, or spouse. It goes on and on.
So while addiction may be something to be protected, hidden, secreted away from light, it seems that in the process of recovery, the lines of communication become totally open. Although the recovery may be painful, may be just completely awful, it seems that people are willing to talk about it, they are willing to talk about every terrible second.
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Filed Under: Addiction Psychology Tagged With: ,

Life After Recovery

CEDAR RAPIDS, IA - JUNE 12: Sherri Sevening (...
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One of the most important things for people to deal with after gaining sobriety is what their lives will be like going forward. In many cases, people who have been involved with drugs return to sobriety to find that their finances are in shambles, their career is either over or in serious trouble and, in some cases, there are serious legal issues to face. Depending on the length of time that a person has abused drugs and the intensity of their drug use, a return to sobriety could mean facing a mountain of debt. They may also be in serious trouble with the law.
This is just one of the many reasons that people who decide to get past an addiction need as much emotional and moral support as possible. Facing jail time and finding a way to climb out of a hole of debt that may be tens of thousands of dollars deep is very scary. In fact, these are factors that might cause someone to use again.
Going to rehab certainly doesn’t mean that all of one’s problems will go away. In fact, it is likely that sobriety will just bring all of one’s problems into sharp focus. However, with the right kind of support and a plan of action to deal with all of the implications of months or years of drug use, it is possible to stay on the right track.
Anyone who is trying to support a friend, family member, or spouse who is overcoming addiction might actually want to seek counseling of their own, or the advice of an expert in how to best help their loved one through one of the most difficult parts of getting sober: facing the music. In fact, in many cases, people who have abused drugs and alcohol may find a lifetime of sobriety much scarier and uncomfortable than withdrawal itself.
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Filed Under: Activities For Recovering Addicts Tagged With: ,
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